Gotta stop the madness.

For a long time I've been "on" a very-low calorie diet. I'm saying it like that because no, I haven't been on it. I've been pretending to be on it, trying to psych myself up to commit to it, going to the doctor and getting on the scale and seeing it go up and down by 3-4 pounds and just praying I didn't gain anything this week. For whatever reason, the idea of living on 900 calories a day is very anxiety-inducing for me, and while I know on the one hand it would make me thinner, on the other hand it makes me nervous. I hate being hangry, I hate being light-headed, I hate being restricted to shakes and tiny portions. I keep telling myself that I can do this, but I'll tell myself I will start this tomorrow, so today I will go to Wendy's and have an awesome burger and a frosty so I'll have one last fun day before I start starving myself again.

A few days ago, I went to a book signing. One of my childhood idols, Tiffani Thiessen, wrote a cookbook,…

New Beginnings

It's been a long time since I've written but I'd really like to get myself into the habit of doing this daily.

So here's what's going on today: it's the first day of school (for teachers). In the beginning of August, I was hearing (and reading online) fellow teachers lamenting the fact that summer was coming to an end. It's fine, I thought! I love my job! I have plans for next year! I was going to start a blog of book reviews. I was going to work more closely with the arts teachers and their seniors. I was going to upgrade my book club to make it more interesting.

And then. I got a call from someone at central office asking if my special ed certification was still valid. It is, but I asked why. She said, "I wanted to talk to you about the recent changes in your life." I said, "I wasn't aware that my life was changing." Long story short, the superintendent cut my position. In a move to save money, she decided that a bunch of librarian…

Blueberry Muffins and Cheese Plates

So at the beginning of last week I got the email that sent my blood pressure soaring: I had to have my mid-year work review on Friday. A mid-year review isn't because I did anything wrong. Every teacher has a beginning, middle, and end meeting with an administrator. And by the way, my principal is nice. She's always been nice to me. This is only my second year but I've had no issues with her.

I did my best to get ready for this meeting and when the time finally came, I went down to the main office. My hands were shaking, my heart was pounding. This is not a normal reaction. Most people walk into these meetings with their data of how the year is going and just assume they'll have a normal conversation. This is nothing to freak out over.

It turns out that she'd been called out of the building and couldn't meet with me, so we'll have to do it another day. But geez. I need to not react to things this way.

I'm on day 4 of taking the lexapro, which I'm ho…

In which I have made a decision.

In order for me to really explain what I decided yesterday I need to talk about my history a little bit. I will try not to be too wordy, I promise, but there is ground to cover. (Starting up the Gilmore Girls playlist on the spotify web player for this...)

Things you need to know about me:

I am a chubby woman. Since about the age of 12, I have never been not-chubby, unless you count all the years when I was really heavy. Here's the thing, though: I didn't want to be. I remember watching a lot of TV as a kid but also going swimming, riding my bike a lot, taking long walks around our town. We could walk to either the library in one direction or the mall in the other, both about a mile away. Somehow my mom was like, "Yeah, go!" and didn't seem too worried about it. So I would. I was even on a sports team in high school. I mean, fencing. But still! There was a lot of working out involved in those practices. But I couldn't lose weight no matter what I did. I went …

Today's hike (with photos!)

Today was mainly a nice long walk in the woods, followed by some quality couple time. And by that I mean we folded the laundry together. :)

My fitbit says I did 8.2 miles, but the fitbit lies. I find that the step count is right but the mileage is too generous. I think it uses the steps to just estimate how many miles I went, so probably more like 7. However, I found a great overlook and the ruins of an actual castle, so I can't complain. Next weekend I hope to return to that park and do the other trail I didn't get to.

I also realized that a multi-town hiking trail goes through this park, and if you do all the sections of this trail, you get a patch. It's honor system but still. There's another little goal for me. If there's a patch I'll do just about anything. ;) Just about.

Last time I was at the library I saw a book called Adulting by Kelly Williams Brown. Apparently, it will make me a functional adult in 468 easy(ish) steps. Now, I'm not a total disast…

Still here!

I really have been doing things! I just haven't been here in over a month. ;)  So... how am I doing on my resolutions?

-Paying off debt. The credit card is doing from $10k to $4k. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel! So close! I can't wait. No more interest... from that, anyway. The student loan is looming but it's really not that bad compared to other people's loans. I was going to be farther along with this but the car decided one day not to start and once I was at the dealership we uncovered more potential issues (brakes almost done, for example) so I had to devote a chunk of my tax return to that. But at least it didn't put me more into debt, which is good.

I also took on some extra work after school by leading a couple of clubs for students. It's not a lot of extra hours or money but it's something.

-More reading, less social media. This has also been going well. I've cut back on my social media (not as much as I'd like but it's a …
So for the latest installment of my year of getting my shit together and trying new things...

I've unraveled and redone that crochet square so many times, because it just kept looking stupid. Finally I re-read the directions and it turned out I was using the wrong size hook. It made a huge difference. I'm almost done with it now! And once that's done, only 24 to go. ;) For a while I was hiding it from my boyfriend but he saw me working on it and said, "Is that for me?" When I said yes he said, "Is it a... space invader?" I answered that honestly I wasn't sure what exactly it was. So he still has no idea. ;)

We got an Instant Pot for Christmas from Boyfriend's sister. Last night I finally got up the courage to try it for the first time. I found a pretty simple recipe for beef stew on A Pinch of Yum and it was so easy. It was just as easy as my crock pot, really, except that there were more buttons to choose from. But 45 minutes later we had beef …